No amount of fanning, or clearing your throat will hide this problem
According to the UNCAS planning sub-committee on air quality, 99 percent of climate scientists agree that vegans and vegetarians expel 1.57 times more flatulence (22 vs 14 farts/day) 
than allowed under the Paris climate accord’s rules governing personal CO2/methane emissions in enclosed spaces. It was with great reluctance that the subcommittee report recommended they pass on indoor attendance for these participants.
The Summit hosts have generously offered to provide a well-ventilated outdoor area, with jumbotrons, for attendee’s convenience. Unfortunately, no microphones will be allowed in this area for comments, due to feedback issues related to participant trumpeting.
When confronted by the Global Vegetarian Consortium, Summit organizers explained that allowing a blatant violation of CO2 guidelines during an international climate meeting would be perceived as hypocritical, and would not pass the smell test.
Negotiations continue in an attempt to resolve this painful impasse.
David Brockett is a Vietnam Veteran and former Marine aviator. He has worked in the field of mental health as a counselor and hospital administrator. After retirement he volunteered with the US Forest Service as a wilderness ranger and horse packer. He writes fiction and historical fiction, as well as articles on politics, religion, gun-rights and current events. In his free time he volunteers with veteran’s groups and community projects. He and his wife divide their time between their home state of Texas and Idaho.
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