All you dad’s with daughters have had these experiences. Your little princess brings home her latest college crush to join your family for dinner, and you just sit there staring mouth open…why this guy? What on earth does she see in him?
You try to imagine this creature interviewing for a job, or contributing to society in any meaningful way. Glancing at your wife, you see the big-eyes and that familiar tight-lipped smile. Oh boy, little Missy has brought home another winner!
Well, take heart, your problems are over. Help is on the way, and none too soon by the looks of things. All you need to do is buy your little angel a male robot companion…preferably before she skips a birth-control pill and you end up with Chucky as a grandchild.
What? That’s crazy. No one does that…why would I? Here are a few good reasons for any father to consider:
No Chucky grandkids!
Need I say more about that, and before you freak out about your little girl doing the nasty with a machine, imagine that same act with the shifty character across the table…shall we move on?
Instead of those awkward silences, you could order a unit that shares your interests, keeps up with the news and sports. Heck, with a little help, you might even win a little money in your fantasy football league…and he would never refer to you as “Dude.” You’re paying for this, right? You should score something out of the deal.
He won’t show up in a Che tee shirt, neck beard and hemp sandals, lecturing you on the evils of capitalism as he swills your lager and wolfs down that $18.00/pound steak. And you won’t have to rip up a Bernie 2020 sign out of your yard after he drives away.
Help in the yard
So, Mother Nature blessed you with a daughter, and not a son. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t expect a little help around the place on weekends. I mean, you aren’t getting any younger, and it would free you up for an earlier tee time. I see those wheels turning dad…you’re catching on! You’re wondering how much a mechanics program would cost to add; oil changes aren’t exactly cheap!
Security for your precious
Admit it, you’ve been worried sick about her, and this yahoo sitting next to her wouldn’t hold up in a stiff wind. Personal bodyguard…that’s a great idea. You’d sleep so much better…mental note to check on martial arts program add-on. Besides, then you wouldn’t have to worry about disposing of the body of an abusive boyfriend.
No borrowing your tools
I bet you didn’t consider that one. Boyfriends who become sons-in-law have a tendency to borrow things they never return. Think of Bill next door. His little Emma got divorced and Bill never saw his weed-eater and leaf blower again.
Last, but certainly not least—No Wedding Expenses!
If I may, let me suggest that avoiding a big wedding would pay for your new family friend all by itself. Maybe your daughter would be a little disappointed, but you could buy her off with a few more robotic add-ons. Just don’t ask a lot of questions…
David Brockett is a Vietnam veteran, USMC officer and pilot. As a civilian, he worked in healthcare as a counselor and hospital administrator. He also writes articles on politics and current events. He and his wife divide their time between their home state of Texas, and Idaho.
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