Planned Neighborhood: Equality for Men in the Age of Planned Parenthood

For all of you men out there suffering mental health issues caused by unwanted neighbors there is now a health care solution for you. Inspired by the Democrats and Planned Parenthoods relentless killing of innocent and defenseless children, we have come up with a plan. Why should women be the only ones to have the government looking out for their health and well-being.

Welcome to Planned Neighborhood. Planned Neighborhood is a concept that is dedicated to improving and maintaining men’s mental health that will actually help make your neighborhood a better place unlike Planned Parenthood which doesn’t really offer much help to parents. However, much like Planned Parenthood, and the women they empower, men can now ‘off’ unwanted neighbors if they are making your life worse, have the capability to make your life worse in the future or if you just don’t want  the fuckers around. This applies to both the men and women in your neighborhood as we don’t want to be accused of discrimination. You can also cap them in the head because they are on welfare, they’re illegal aliens or you’re just tired of them having abortions. Also, should you be unfortunate enough to live near any liberal politicians, Hollywood types, late night talk show hosts or ladies from the View, well, enough said. Hell, you’re paying for them anyway and it will make all of us feel better. We don’t need to ask them – why should they have a say in this as they are just a group of cells and really aren’t human to start with. I know the whole human DNA and heartbeat thing but just ignore that shit.

This soothing medical procedure is available for the first trimester individuals (up to 33 years) so you can not only get those annoying young bastards but you can also get the little pricks that Planned Parenthood missed. You are going to feel so much better.

Moving on to the second trimester, 34 to 66, this is when you get to really help yourself to feel better and deal with some seasoned assholes. These fuckers may be armed so proceed with caution.

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The third trimester, 67-100, well, they were going to die anyway and are probably just as tired of putting up with the shit as you are. You may actually be doing them a favor.

Remember, our mind our choice. Demand equality and mental autonomy. Not sure what kind of hats we will wear at the next rally but we’ll think of something. Maybe a huge penis hat with balls hanging on either side would be appropriate. Well, probably not as women would just start calling us ‘Dick Heads’ and we really don’t want to stand in the street and chant “keep your hands off our dicks” now do we. Of course we don’t. Well, we’ll work on it and let you know.

Also, in keeping with that time honored tradition at Planned Parenthood, we are considering selling body parts from the dear departed. Not sure what we can get but since a lot of them will be not only be obnoxious but also fat we are going for a per pound price before the ‘Keto diet’ ruins everything. We’ll see how that goes. Check our quarterly report if you really give a shit.

In the end we’re certain the Supreme Court will declare this to be a “Constitutional Right” just like the other rights they’ve pulled out of their ass, you know, like the right to abortions and gay marriage. But until then, please donate generously because we are probably going to need a substantial legal defense fund and I really want a Lamborghini. Visit the website at www.shoottheirass.com for details.

Anyway, exercise your newfound rights and improve your mental health. Just be careful not to deny a fucking transgender or otherwise delusional gay asshole a wedding cake or access to the wrong restroom by the choices you make. We all know how that turns out.

(Full disclosure: While I may have an issue with some of those folks in the LGBTQ spectrum, I am all for lesbians that look like this as long as they don’t mind if I watch!)

In closing, if you plan to do 4 or more neighbors at one time for God’s sake don’t use an AR15. We have enough trouble with that crap as it is – get a shotgun. Drop by our local office and speak with our highly trained counselors. They are all federally licensed firearms dealers and they are ready to help set you on the path to the mental health freedom you deserve, and, we are currently lobbying congress for several hundreds of millions of federal taxpayer dollars to aid you with your purchase. However, if questioned by congress we will deny that we provide such a service on the taxpayer’s dime and insist it all goes to counseling you on how to ‘peacefully coexist’ with your annoying neighbors.

Anyway, please support our cause and let’s see how much more of a mess we can make of America. Why should politicians, judges, women and sexual deviants have all the fun.

Enjoy!

Authors Note: While this article is a work of satire and fiction the Socialist Democratic Party and Planned Parenthood are not. This should concern and terrify all the decent patriots and constitution loving people in America. Arm yourselves and get out and vote!

Chris Bailey

President/CEO Armageddon Tactical LLC

 

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